Lucky Girl Syndrome
The latest version of manifesting...
Hello, Friends!
I just want to begin with a warning that I started this post with the intention of talking about Lucky Girl Syndrome, and then, as is typical when I start doing a bit of research, I fell down a rabbit hole and things got a bit out of hand…
In the end, for the sake of my sanity and yours, I’ve decided that I need to divide this topic into two posts.
So, take a deep breath. Here we go…
Lucky Girl Syndrome
I’m not on social media, and haven’t been for a few years now, but every now and then I like to check in with what’s trending, mostly to remind myself of why I’m not on social media and partly to indulge in the chaos humanity is capable of creating with a single hashtag. And, apparently, the current TikTok trend for 2023 is something called Lucky Girl Syndrome.
#LuckyGirl.
This trend is all about telling yourself you’re a ‘lucky girl’, believing that everything always goes right for you, and then sitting back and watching the universe bend over backwards to prove you correct.
Lots of women are claiming that this practice of declaring themselves lucky is working for them: it’s brought them promotions, wealth, relationship success and free coffees. I’m not sure if there’s a #LuckyBoy or #LuckyPerson equivalent, or if Lady Luck is practising gender-bias these days, but I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who are stowing away on the Lucky Girl Syndrome Ship as it sails out of the TikTok port.
Question: why isn’t it just #LuckySyndrome? Why be gender specific? Is it because ‘syndrome’ takes too long to type? Wouldn’t just #Lucky suffice?
Anyway, the name doesn’t really matter because this trend is just another watered-down reincarnation of manifesting. If you’re not familiar with the concept, manifesting is a New Age practice based on the Law of Attraction. The theory, in its simplest form, is this: positive thoughts attract positive experiences; negative thoughts attract negative experiences.
This is different from the positive thinking that is part of the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy model. That type of positive thinking seeks to address and correct negative thoughts and beliefs that lead to maladaptive behaviours. Positive thinking in CBT is about changing your perspective, feelings and reactions to improve your own psychological well-being. A natural consequence of this might be that you make healthier decisions that lead to better quality of life. But the focus is on developing a healthy mindset and not on manipulating the universe to give you what you think you deserve.
I’m going to make the point of stating here that I have no problem with thinking positively or with having a positive attitude. As long as that positivity doesn’t become toxic, there’s nothing harmful about looking for silver linings and living hopefully. Positive thinking is great. Let’s do more of it!
Manifesting, on the other hand, is not the same as merely developing a positive mindset. It is traditionally a spiritual act. New Age belief works on the concept that humans are spiritual beings, made up of energy, and we connect to and commune with the universe through this energy. When you manifest, you are using this energy to make your thoughts a reality. You have the power to fulfil your desires, simply by visualising them, speaking them aloud and believing they will come to fruition.
As is typical with our post-modern, cherry-picking world, there are of course variations on the concept of manifesting. Ask ten random manifesters or Lucky Girls and they’ll all probably have slightly differing views on how and why it works, and what best practice is for becoming one of those people for whom ‘everything goes well’.
But the core idea is the same: there is a power that can deliver your heart’s desires on a silver, diamond-encrusted plate, and all you have to do to harness it is have enough belief. Tell yourself you’re lucky. Really believe it and you will see it. Wishes can come true. It’s the message of every Disney film ever made. Someone grab the fairy dust and think a happy thought.
These are not the droids you’re looking for
Putting aside theological reasons (I’ll come back to those in the next post), my problem with this manifesting mindset is that it reduces life to a Jedi mind trick. These are not the droids you are looking for. I will gain a hundred new subscribers by the end of the week. I’ll be a millionaire by the time I’m thirty. I can have the house I want; the relationship I desire; a successful career.
There is nothing wrong with aspiring to those things. Set all the goals you want. But work towards them. Break those goals into practical steps. Develop your skills, network, learn and grow. Don’t just settle for creating a vision board or writing your wishes in a journal three times in the morning, six times in the afternoon and nine times in the evening. Don’t just wake up in the morning, tell yourself you’re lucky and then bound out the front door thinking this is enough to get you to where you want to be in life.
Life is not a Jedi mind trick and thank God it is not.
For a start, for every #LuckyGirl, there’s an #UnluckyGirl. Your good luck is going to mean someone else’s bad luck, right? You got your dream job, congratulations! Hard luck though to the other candidates who didn’t get their dream job and for whom there are not enough dream jobs to go around. You won the lottery. Thousands of others didn’t. That guy you like asked you on a date… check over your shoulder for the green-eyed monster who is trying, right at this moment, to manifest a cankerworm in your new, budding relationship.
Because the inherent problem with our heart’s desires is that they will inevitably clash with someone else’s. Some of the worst suffering in the world is caused by the fulfilment of a single individual’s desires. Usually someone with obscene amounts of privilege and power, and an ego to match. On the other hand, some of the greatest good that’s been done in the world has come from people giving up their desires, sacrificing them on the altar of the greater good.
I’m not sure how many Lucky Girls are out there manifesting social justice, world peace or a better life for their neighbours. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like the most altruistic of trends.
Another problem with thinking you can simply appeal to some greater universal force as if it’s your personal fairy godmother, is that it undermines the value of human effort, growth and failure. Of course, it’s not healthy to go through life assuming you’re going to fail at everything. But it’s also just as unhealthy to take the approach that you won’t or can’t fail—that somehow you’re able to ward off failure witi coh your good luck. There’s nothing wrong with everything not going right for you all the time. Sure, it can be painful, and embarrassing, and inconvenient, but it’s often the fastest way to learn how to do better.
It also works wonders for developing a healthy dose of humility. It’s okay to not be the best. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to need others.
I have to drum this idea into my students all the time. They’re terrified of getting things wrong or messing up. They think they ought to automatically be good at everything or there’s something wrong with them. They don’t realise they’re not going to learn anything unless they mess up or get things wrong. When they’re reluctant to write anything because they think it will be rubbish, I tell them to go ahead and write rubbish. I insist on it. Write me something truly terrible. At least then we’ve got something to work with. I can’t give them feedback or guidance on a blank piece of paper. You can’t #LuckyGirl your way to an A grade, but you can achieve one through trial and error, feedback and application, making mistakes and learning from them.
Failure requires time, patience, effort and sometimes sweat, tears and, occasionally, in extreme circumstances, some blood. And that’s the crux of the issue. We want a Jedi mind trick solution because it is a trick. A cheat. A quick way to get what we want with minimal effort, because life is hard. And unpredictable. And unfair. And practices like manifesting and telling ourselves we’re lucky put us in a position where we feel like we have some control in a generally chaotic world. That we have the power to improve our situation. That we are masters of our destiny.
I understand that desire. It’s perfectly human.
But there is a better way, promised to us in the Bible. One that relies on giving over our control and desires to Jesus, who promises life in abundance if we choose to believe in and faithfully follow Him; if we choose to give up our will and let Him be the master of our lives.
You’d think then that Christians wouldn’t fall into practices of manifesting or declaring obnoxiously on a daily basis ‘everything always goes right for me’.
Unfortunately, however, Christians are just as fallible as everyone else. Many of us don’t really know our Bible, let alone understand it, so it’s laughably easy to take and receive Bible verses out of context and turn them into appealing declarations that serve our desires. It’s a slippery slope from there into developing a lifestyle that adopts beliefs, attitudes and practices that are, at best dishonouring, and at worse contrary, to God’s Word and His will.
I want to explore further what manifesting looks like when it is disguised as a Christian way of life, why it’s problematic, and what can cause this sort of misstep in our journey of faith. I also want to look at what faith actually is—as described in the Bible. It’s something I’m hoping to understand better, something I’m still figuring out for myself and that I feel excited about.
But that will have to wait until Part Two.
I’d love hear your thoughts, so do share them with me by clicking the button below and leaving a comment. If you’d like me to create a chat thread to discuss some of these topics (or others), let me know about that too.
I’m looking forward to figuring out some more of life and faith together.
PJ