The Hanahaki Club: Episode 11
Episode 11: Rivals, Part 4
So far…
Merryn has a crush on Sye, who is both her neighbour and her sister’s boyfriend.
Episode 11: Rivals, Part 4
Merryn
Merryn hovered at the foot of the stairs, listening to the brash chatter of the TV and the sound of laughter coming from the living room. She felt like an intruder, lurking in the gloom of the hall, about to disturb the cosy domesticity beyond the living room threshold. A green-eyed, guilt-ridden intruder. A scythe-bladed third wheel, about to carve up the harmony and innocence of the lovers who were cocooned on the sofa in soft blankets as they indulged in trashy Saturday afternoon T.V. and sugary breakfast food.
She didn’t want to go in there.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t invited to join them. Suffering a major sugar-crash on a Saturday afternoon, in front of cheaply-made television, was a three-year long tradition. Most Saturdays, Sye would rock up at their front door in joggers and an old, worn jumper, hair still tousled from sleep, and a packet of frosted cereal under one arm, and entrench himself in cushions at one end of the sofa for three or four hours, whilst Leah and Merryn sprawled over each other on the floor in their pyjamas, braiding each other’s hair and wrestling for the last chocolate-filled doughnut.
So it wasn’t that she wasn’t invited. Or that she wasn’t wanted. Since they’d got together, neither Sye nor Leah had ever suggested that they didn’t welcome Merryn’s company anymore. The living room door was open. There were always three bowls, three spoons and three drinking glasses set out on the tray on the coffee table. There was her favourite cushion, and her favourite blanket, waiting for her on her favourite beanbag. Her favourite shows were lined up on the watchlist and there was definitely at least one chocolate-filled doughnut with her name on it.
But Merryn still dreaded leaving the shadows of the hallway and crossing into the yellow glow of the living room. She knew she’d find Leah and Sye huddled next to each other on the sofa, Leah tucked snugly under Sye’s arm, warm and close under the same blanket, sharing heartbeats, secrets, and affection. And Merryn would have to sit alone in her corner, the hanahaki burying itself deeper in her lungs and the jealousy gnawing at her bones, whilst she bore witness to their lovers’ bliss.
It was better to stay away. If she turned right now and crept back up the stairs, shut the door of her room and crawled back under her covers for the rest of the day, she wouldn’t ruin anything. Sye and Leah’s little world of two would keep on turning, unblemished by her cankerous presence.
Merryn stepped gingerly down from the bottom stair and crept into the kitchen. She would get some toast and then hide upstairs for the rest of the afternoon. She had coursework to do anyway.
She checked her phone whilst she waited for her toast to be done. The hanahaki group chat had five members now: herself, the other three girls, and Anabelle, who was the moderator. No sign of Taran. What were they supposed to use this chat for? To confirm meeting details or cancellations? To share updates? Threw up my first full flower, still a loser, still dying. Thumbs up emoji. To share advice? How do I get over my crush on my sister’s boyfriend so I don’t want to die every time I see them together?
“Oh, hey! You’re up.”
Merryn nearly dropped her phone on the counter as Sye strolled into the kitchen. At the same time, the toaster popped.
“Uh, hey,” Merry responded, glad she had a reason to hide her pink cheeks from Sye as she retrieved her toast and reached for the butter. She suddenly felt horribly exposed, standing barefoot in the kitchen in nothing but her pyjamas and an old cardigan that she used as a dressing gown.
“Having toast this morning?” Sye asked.
“Yeah. Fancied some marmalade.”
“I’m making coffee. Do you want some?”
“I’m going to have tea.”
She heard Sye fill the kettle and then open a cupboard.
“Normal tea? Or fruit?”
“Um.” Merryn reached for the marmalade and poked half-heartedly in the jar with a knife as she tried to compose herself. “Fruit,” she replied.
“Peach and orange?”
“I can make it.”
“I’ve got it. How’s your cough?”
Merryn slapped a blob of marmalade onto a piece of toast and gave it her full attention as she tried, and failed, to spread it evenly. She wondered if she could manage to leave the kitchen without having to look directly at Sye. She was being weird and awkward, and he was definitely going to notice.
She shrugged. “Same.”
“You’ve had it for ages. Can they not give you antibiotics?”
“Nope. How’s work?”
“Good, thanks. Busy. We’re already booked up until mid-May.”
“Wow!” Merryn tried to sound casually cheerful as she started marmalading the second piece of toast. “That’s great!”
How long was the kettle going to take to boil?
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sye setting up the cafetière and a mug with her teabag in it. When he finished, he leant against the counter and folded his arms, and Merryn knew he was watching her coat her toast in far more marmalade than she actually cared to eat.
“How’s your coursework coming along?” he asked after a pause.
Merryn put down her knife, screwed on the top of the marmalade jar, and, with a slow intake of breath, turned to face Sye. There he was, looking as he always did, black hair a nest on his head, freckles barely visible against his tan skin, eyes dark and earnest as he fixed her with his full attention. Merryn’s heart gave a traitorous little twist. She knew he wasn’t just making small-talk: he was genuinely interested in her progress— he’d always championed her love for fashion and design, always asked to see her latest sketches, always praised her sewing skills. And that’s what made it so hard. Why did he have to be so nice? Why did he have to care? Why couldn’t he be a jerk? Or at the very least disinterested—treat her like his girlfriend’s annoying little sister, instead of behaving like a real friend? If she wasn’t painfully aware of how perfect Sye and Leah were together, or how devoted they were to each other, Merryn didn’t think she’d be completely crazy to think she might be in with a shot. As it was, she couldn’t even consider Leah a rival; there was no contest. Leah was lovely and she fully deserved someone as wonderful as Sye.
“It’s going okay,” Merryn replied, trying her best to return Sye’s kindness with a proper answer to his question. “I’ve nearly finished my designs. I’ve got one more meeting with my course tutor and then I’ll be able to start sewing.”
“Can I get a sneak-peek?”
“Hmm. Maybe.”
Sye grinned, knowing full-well that she always ran her designs past him eventually, even before she ever showed them to Leah. It wasn’t that Leah wasn’t supportive— she always happily volunteered when Merryn needed a model—but Sye always asked first, always wanted to know what she was working on, always leaned on her shoulder when she was sketching to offer encouragement or ask a question about her process.
But that was just the kind of person Sye was: thoughtful, attentive and far too easy to fall for.
The kettle finally finished boiling and Sye filled up her mug before he poured the rest into the cafetière. The smell of coffee wafted into the air and Merryn’s heart clenched pathetically as she watched Sye take two matching coffee cups from the cupboard.
Time to get out of here.
Grabbing her plate of toast and her mug, Merry shuffled to the door.
“Are you gonna come and have a doughnut?” Sye asked.
“Uh. Maybe later,” Merryn replied. She didn’t look back or hesitate in the doorway to explain. “Save one for me!”
“No promises!” came the teasing response as she headed for the stairs.
“Merryn?” Leah’s voice floated from the living room.
“Be down later!” Merryn called back and ascended the stairs as fast as her full mug would allow.
“Merryn!”
“Later!”
When Merryn had safely reached her room and shut the door, she put down her plate and mug on her desk, and then slumped on the edge of her bed, clutching her phone against her sternum, her chin pressed to her knuckles. After a few deep breaths, she raised her head and checked her phone where the hanahaki group chat was still open.
No messages.
Merryn brought up the keyboard and then hesitated. What would she even say? What help could anyone even give her? She couldn’t confess her horrible feelings to a bunch of strangers. She had no idea how they would react. And the two people she usually shared everything with were the two people she absolutely couldn’t tell. All she wanted was one person to share her secret with, someone who was guaranteed to understand—who would say ‘Yeah, me too, I’ve also got a totally inappropriate crush and I hate the person it turns me into. Let’s figure this out together.’
But that would be expecting too much. Life just wasn’t that accommodating. And Merryn just wasn’t that lucky.
Next time: Episode 12—Exposure Therapy, Part 1
Teaser:
Remi:
It was mortifying doing this in someone else’s bathroom, at a schoolmate’s party, where all her peers were drinking, dancing, snogging and telling dumb stories just the other side of the door. She felt disgusting, like she was keeping a dirty secret from everyone. What would they say if they could see her now: their Head Girl with her knees on the tiles, cheeks flushed, lips spit-slicked, tears clumping her lashes and petals on her tongue? And all because of a stupid, unrequited crush.
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Author’s Notes:
If only there was someone in the hanahaki club who could relate to Merryn’s problem 🤔
Next time: Episode 12—Exposure Therapy, Part 1
PJ
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