The Hanahaki Club: Episode 5
Episode 5: Losers in Love, Part 5
So far…
A Thursday afternoon in January. Remi, Emery, Taran, Merryn and Hassie have all gathered in the Blue Room, at the Fenway Community Centre, for the first session of their hanahaki support group.
Episode 5: Losers in Love, Part 5
Anabelle
The silence that filled the room was so complete, Anabelle could count it out on the crisp ticking of the wall clock.
One. Two. Three. Four.
No one knows what to say.
Surprise, confusion and disbelief sketched their way across the other four faces in the semi-circle. Although Emery’s smile didn’t alter in the face of it, her shoulders hunched a little and she quietly curled her fingers over her knees.
She’s nervous.
Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
Should I step in here?
Anabelle opened her mouth to interject, but Merryn suddenly spoke up.
“So,” she said, “How does that work?”
Merryn Hooper. Sixteen. Fraxley College. First case of hanahaki: fourth month.
“If hanahaki is caused by unrequited feelings,” Remi added. “Does this person you hate not… hate you back?”
Remi Li. Eighteen. Bearnston Heath School. First case of hanahaki: seventh month.
Emery’s hands unfurled and she circled the hole in her tights with one finger. “That’s not quite how it works,” she explained, “If it did I would never have developed hanahaki in the first place. It’s more the fact that unrequited love, rejection and hate are all strong negative emotions. They need satisfying to be cured. Love requires love in return; rejection requires acceptance…”
“And hate requires what?” Taran asked. “Revenge?”
Taran Greene. Sixteen. Also Fraxley College [and clearly trying to avoid being recognised by Merryn]. First case: fifth month.
“That would be the logical conclusion,” Emery said with a grin that made her look kind of impish. “But my doctor was pretty insistent that any sort of vengeful act wouldn’t cure me and he would testify as much in court.”
Taran stared hard at her for a second and then snorted in amusement. “Shame.”
“Yeah,” Emery agreed. “But he’s right. I did some research into past cases, and apparently revenge just feeds hate and is likely to make the hanahaki worse—probably even accelerate the symptoms. So, that option is off the table.”
“So, what is the cure? Other than the surgery?” Merryn asked.
Emery shrugged. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”
There was a thoughtful pause and then Merryn tentatively spoke again. “What if it’s not actually that different from normal hanahaki?”
Emery frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Well, what if the cure is the same?” Merryn suggested. “What if love is the cure?”
Emery flinched. “Ugh. That’s not going to work…”
“I don’t mean Love love,” Merryn clarified quickly. “Not romantic love. I mean… what if this person you hate actually liked you instead? If there was some way to have amicable feelings towards each other, would that work?”
Interesting…
Emery didn’t immediately say anything, but her expression clearly conveyed that the idea was flat-out repulsive to her.
“I’m sorry,” Merryn added, blushing as she squirmed in her seat. “I don’t know what your situation is… I was just wondering aloud…”
“No, it’s fine!” Emery assured her hastily. Anabelle watched her hook one finger into the hole in her tights and twist it around the first knuckle as she considered the suggestion further. “It just seems like an impossible task… to get someone who hates your guts as much as you hate theirs to like you, even a little bit. But… I don’t know, maybe you’re right; maybe that would work.” She suddenly turned to Anabelle. “What do you think?”
Oh. Best to be honest; it’s dangerous to give false hope in these cases, especially one as rare as this—not enough data in the historical records to allow an informed opinion.
“I’m afraid I don’t know,” Anabelle replied. “But if hatred is the trigger feeling for your hanahaki, then the root of that might be a good place to start looking for some healing—”
“So, you think that if I could get this person to like me, that might cure the hanahaki?”
“Uh.” Wait. No. That wasn’t what she’d implied, was it? “Well—”
“It’s got to be worth a try,” Remi said at the same time. “If you want to avoid the operation, then testing the theory isn’t going to hurt, is it? It’s not like it will make anything worse if it doesn’t work out: the hanahaki is already the worse-case scenario, isn’t it?”
“That’s true.”
“Who is it that you hate so much anyway?” Taran asked.
“This girl at school—Lila. We’ve never got along, not since middle school. And now that we’re in high school, we’re in a lot of the same classes and clubs, so I can’t just avoid her.”
“If it’s been that long, why the hanahaki now?” Remi asked.
Emery tugged sharply on the hole in her tights and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Something happened, but she doesn’t want to share.
Emery Wicks. Fourteen. Greenwood Girl’s Grammar School. Rare case: eighth month.
There was a brief, slightly awkward pause.
“Sounds like you just need to not hate this Lila person,” Taran said abruptly.
Emery raised her eyebrows and stopped playing with the hole in her tights to drum her knee thoughtfully instead. “You think it’s easy to just stop hating someone?” She asked. “Do you think it’s easier than falling out of love?”
“Probably not,” Merryn said. “People fall out of love all the time. You don’t really hear much about falling out of hate. How often do people who strongly dislike each other actually reconcile?”
Taran glanced away, folding his arms and dipping his chin into the collar of his jacket. “Well,” he said in a lower voice, “I’d rather have hanahaki for someone I hate than be a loser over some dumb crush.”
Another silence fell.
One. Two. Three.
No one is going to disagree.
Four. Five. Six.
Anabelle glanced at the wall clock.
Time is nearly up. Is this a good place to wrap things up?
“Well,” she began, tentatively. “I don’t think any of you are losers. I think love and hate are both perfectly normal emotions that every human experiences. You’re just unlucky to have the hanahaki gene. The important thing is that the five of you all have that one thing in common, which means you’re best placed to support each other through it.”
Was that an okay thing to say? Would any of them come back next week? Would they at least leave today knowing they didn’t have to do this on their own?
She scanned the faces around the circle with what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “Thank you for coming today. I hope it’s been helpful. Don’t forget to look out for the group chat invitation and I look forward to seeing you, same time, next Thursday.”
It didn’t take long for the group to say their thankyous and goodbyes, gather their things and leave—like they really couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Only Hassie lingered to offer help in packing up the tea and biscuits, since she didn’t have a bus to catch.
Hassie Jorden. Twenty. Student at Hickley University. Second case: third month.
“That’s very kind, but I’ll manage,” Anabelle said. She softly cleared her throat. “Can I just ask, before you go—how are you doing? Second time through hanahaki is particularly tough, especially since the disease progresses much faster the second time than the first. You’re nine or ten weeks in?”
“Yes,” Hassie said. “It’s just petals at the moment, but the doctor says I’ve only got until May before I’ll have to have the operation.”
“I’m sorry.”
Hassie smiled wanly and shrugged. “It is what it is.”
Yes. There’s not much more to say than that.
“You’d better get home.”
“Thank you. See you next week.”
Anabelle watched her go, took a careful breath, and began loading cups and saucers onto a tray. First loves and first rejections were painful enough injuries on their own to a young heart; but to have your lungs slowly torn apart in the process was particularly nasty. Having to go through all that twice in just the span of sixteen months or so? Brutal.
She carried the tray to the kitchen, washed up the cups, plate and tea cannister and then packed the rest of the biscuits into her bag before returning to the Blue Room to close the window and stack the chairs.
Well, that had gone better than she’d expected. Not that she had been expecting much. She’d never had every patient who had registered for the support group actually turn up at the first meeting. Heck, she’d never had enough members to fulfil the definition of a support group. Usually no one turned up. Anabelle had sat plenty of times in the backrooms of community centres, libraries and school gyms for an hour with a plate of biscuits all to herself. Sometimes a grand total of two people would turn up and then only one would return the following week. To have five was something of a miracle.
Would they all be back next week? Almost certainly not. Anabelle did not expect to see Taran ever again. Merryn and Remi were fifty-fifty. Hassie would come as long as she had to keep a promise to her brother. And Emery? Anabelle would bet good money that Emery had never quit a group in her life.
As she went to stack the last chair, Anabelle paused, put the chair down and pressed a hand to her chest.
I’d like to help them all, but if I can just do something for one of them, that will be a win. No young person should have to go through something as devastating as hanahaki on their own. Not even once.
She took a calming breath in and out, drew a tissue from her pocket, held it up to her mouth and coughed a couple of times. When she withdrew the tissue from her lips, three white petals stuck to it, as bright and fresh as the first snow of winter.
Six weeks and five days. I really need make an appointment to see the doctor.
Next time: Episode 6—Two Can Keep a Secret, Part 1
Teaser:
Taran was in the middle of skim reading his project sheet when the chair next to him shifted, dragging against the thin carpet as a hand tugged on it. A figure was suddenly hovering at Taran’s elbow and he snapped his head up to find himself staring straight at the last person he wanted to see.
The Hanahaki Club Index
Welcome to the index page of The Hanahaki Club. Please scroll down to find links to each published episode. If you need any help, let me know via the message button at the bottom of the page.
Author’s Notes:
Surprise! There are six cases of hanahaki.
Next week: Episode 6—Two Can Keep a Secret, Part 1
PJ
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I thought Anabelle’s stress and insecurity in facilitating the group was really well done here!