The Hanahaki Club: Episode 16
Episode 16: The Second Session, Part 1
So far…
Thursday in the Blue Room. The hanahaki support group meet for their second session.
Episode 16: The Second Session, Part 1
Merryn
Merryn was late. Of course she was, because nothing had gone right for her today. First, she’d left her library book on the kitchen counter at home, which meant the book was now overdue and she was going to have to pay a fine because this was her second strike for a late return. Then, her water bottle had leaked in her bag all over her fashion history folder, so now she was going to have to spend her evening copying up the class notes she’d had begged from Rosie Winward. After that, she discovered she’d run out of printer credit, and, since the finance office had been shut for a staff training day, she was unable to print the design self-reflection task she needed to hand in last period to Mrs Auclair, who had given her a demerit, despite the fact that Merryn had emailed the work to her instead.
And then, finally, after she’d run for the bus and caught it just in time, they’d been delayed because of roadworks and it had taken forever, what with the rush-hour traffic, to get through the temporary traffic lights. So, here she was, flustered and out of breath, and late for the second week in a row. She was going to have to face the embarrassment of walking in when everyone else was already settled, knowing that they were all waiting to start because of her.
Even as she dashed along the pavement to the community centre, she tripped on an uneven paving stone and only just caught her balance on the wall of the office building she was passing. Damn it! The universe really was out to get her today.
Merryn straightened herself up and readjusted her scarf, which had almost slithered entirely from her neck and onto the pavement. As she took a couple of measured breaths to regain her composure, she heard a familiar noise from the narrow alleyway just ahead of her. She recognised it immediately as the same noise she made first thing in the morning when she was hacking up a glob of petals that had gathered over night at the base of her throat. Peeking into the gloom of the alley, she saw first a bicycle, propped against the brick, and then a figure crouched on the ground next to it, retching into their hands.
“Emery?” Merryn ventured cautiously, not wanting to startle the other girl too much.
Emery turned her head to face Merryn and then hacked again into her hands, where Merryn could see she was holding a blood-specked tissue.
“Hey,” Merryn said, hurrying forward to crouch beside her. “Are you okay?”
Emery nodded and crumpled the tissue into a ball as she pulled it away from her mouth. Merryn immediately fished in her coat pocket for a clean tissue to offer and Emery took it wordlessly and wiped flecks of blood from her lips and chin.
“Thanks,” she said, her voice coming out hoarse. “Frick! I’m late…”
“So am I,” Merryn said gently, “So don’t worry about it. Have you got some water?”
“I’ll be okay. I’ll have something when we get to the Blue Room.”
“Are you sure?”
Emery nodded again, shoving the used tissues into the pocket of her coat, and then got to her feet. She smoothed down her coat and then gave Merryn a quick grin as she also stood up.
“Sorry!” she said, “That was pretty gross, right? I’m okay now. Let’s go.”
Taking hold of her bicycle by the handlebars and seat, Emery manoeuvred it out of the alley and back onto the pavement. Merryn followed beside her as she wheeled the bicycle to the stand outside the community centre and padlocked it in place.
“Is it usually that bad?” Merryn asked as they ascended the steps to the front doors of the centre.
“I went a bit hard trying to get here on time” Emery explained casually, as if coughing up foliage and blood from inside her slime-framed body was a perfectly normal part of puberty. “I’m actually lucky, since my hanahaki is progressing at a slower rate than usual, but I might have to go on a second inhaler soon—I’m starting to get short of breath when I over-exert myself.”
Merryn watched Emery silently as they entered the community centre, observing her bloodless cheeks and lips, the way her chest still rose rapidly as her lungs worked to suck in enough oxygen, and the slight tremble in her hands as she fished around in her bag for a packet of chewing gum.
This will be me in four months, she realised. Four months and I’ll be coughing up bits of my own insides along with the floral matter.
“I’ll let Anabelle know you’re here,” she said, as Emery headed towards the toilets.
“Thanks. See you in a sec!”
When Merryn reached the Blue Room, Anabelle, Hassie and Remi were already seated in the semi-circle in the same seats they had occupied the week before. Creatures of habit—just like her. Anabelle greeted her with a warm smile and immediately got up to pour her a cup of tea. Merryn informed her that Emery was on her way, and then took the tea and a biscuit—custard creams this week—and settled in the seat between Hassie and Remi. She glanced at the clock: four forty-three. No Taran. Of course. He’d said he wasn’t going to come, but part of her had still hoped he would change his mind. He had said he didn’t see the point in coming—didn’t need a support group—but Merryn couldn’t help but feel that his absence was really down to her. If she wasn’t here, would he have given the group another chance?
Emery appeared a minute later, still looking a little pale, but with a bright smile on her face as she grabbed several biscuits and a juice and then took her seat on the far side of Anabelle, all whilst apologising for being late, commenting on the cold weather and wondering aloud if anyone had considered the psychology of colours before picking the paint for this room.
“It’s lovely to see you all again,” Anabelle said, once Emery had settled and everyone had politely acknowledged each other. “How are we all doing this week?”
“I put my plan into action,” Emery offered, without hesitation.
“What plan is that, Emery?” Anabelle asked.
“To get Lila to like me—like Merryn suggested.”
Merryn paused, teacup halfway to her mouth as she tried to recall when she’d ever made such a suggestion. “Uhh…?”
Oh. Wait. Yes, she had said something like that, hadn’t she? How had Emery taken an unproven theory from a complete stranger and turned it into an actionable plan in a week? Merryn really should be more careful about the stuff she let come out of her mouth.
“So, what’s the plan?” Remi asked.
An impish grin spread across Emery’s face. “Well…” she began.
Merryn watched Emery intently as she explained the deal she had made with Lila, watching the colour creep back into her cheeks and the way she gestured enthusiastically, almost spilling her glass of juice as it tipped precariously in her hand. It was such a contrast to how she had looked in the alleyway, curled up over her knees as her body shuddered with the effort of expelling the loose matter from her lungs. Emery seemed excited about the bet she had made with this girl she hated—full of confidence that she would win, no matter what. Merryn thought her plan was crazy: it was one thing to make friends with a stranger who had no history with you at all, but she couldn’t imagine having to persuade someone who already hated her to change their mind, and do it as a bet that they had every reason to not want to lose. Whilst Emery needed Lila to like her—was betting her future on it—there was no incentive for Lila to want to like Emery. She had nothing to gain by it and every reason to dig her heels in. How could anyone win against those odds?
But Emery was optimistic, and Merryn felt jealous. At least Emery had a plan, however insane it might be. At least she had a chance. An opportunity to try to cure her hanahaki. Merryn had no such hope. Even if making Sye like her was possible, which it wasn’t, she couldn’t do that to Leah. If she didn’t find a way to get over her feelings she would have to have the operation and that had its own complications. How was she supposed to give up all her memories of the person who had been so integral to almost every happy moment she’d experienced in the last three years?
A surge of cold panic hit her at the idea. She couldn’t let that happen.
“How about you, Merryn?”
Merryn started, realising she had completely zoned out for a moment.
“How has your week been?” Anabelle asked again, with an encouraging smile.
“Oh. Yeah. It’s been fine,” Merryn replied. “Nothing to share, really.”
There was no way she was going to tell them that the last of her single friends had coupled-up at the weekend, and that she’d spent two days enduring relationship-talk amongst her girl friends until she couldn’t stand it anymore and had escaped, yesterday lunchtime, to the Old Gym roof, trying to cool down the toxic mix of frustration and jealousy broiling in her gut by sitting alone in the sub-zero temperature and channelling her energy into the only thing that gave her any real joy anymore. She’d bumped into Taran too, which had been more than a little awkward; he’d made it very clear that she was the last person in the world he wanted to see or talk to. She had to be at least half the reason he hadn’t come back this week. Perhaps if she were to quit, he would give the group another shot?
“Have you seen your crush much?” Emery asked.
“Uh. A little,” Merryn offered.
“Is it someone from college?”
“Oh… no. He doesn’t go to my college.”
“You don’t have to share the details, if you don’t want to,” Anabelle jumped in gently, before Emery could ask the next question that was clearly lined up on her tongue.
“Oh, sorry!” Emery added. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
Anabelle gave Merryn a reassuring smile and then turned to Remi. “How has your week been, Remi?”
Merryn tried not to squirm with guilt as she listened to Remi talk about her encounter with a nuisance classmate. Everyone else was being so open and honest, sharing their hearts and secrets, whilst she kept hers firmly shut up behind her embarrassment and shame. Why should she get to listen to these intimate stories when she refused to share her own? Taran could be here instead, sharing his burden with the group and getting their help and advice. But instead he wasn’t here, most likely because she was. Maybe she should quit. She wasn’t bringing anything to the group. She was behind everyone else in her hanahaki, so she couldn’t even offer advice or support on managing each stage of the disease. She hadn’t even been able to help Emery when she was coughing up bits of her own lung tissue in the alleyway—too overwhelmed by the thought that this would be her own fate if she waited too long to cure her hanahaki.
What was she even hoping to get from being here?
What was it she’d said to Taran, yesterday?
It’s nice to know you’re not the only loser in the world, right?
What a lame thing to say. That might have been true last week, but now she felt all the more alone—her dirty little secret standing like an iron wall between her and the rest of the group. Of all the losers here, she was the worst by far.
Next time: Episode 17—The Second Session, Part 2
Teaser:
Once she had finished clearing everything away and locking up the Blue Room, Anabelle dropped off the keys at the caretaker’s office and headed out into the dark of the bitter, premature January night. As she headed to her car, her phone rang and she hooked it out of her bag to read the caller ID.
She probably shouldn’t take this call. It would be wiser to ignore it or block the number, but she’d never been particularly wise, and it was too late to start now, the damage was already done.
The Hanahaki Club Index
Welcome to the index page of The Hanahaki Club. Please scroll down to find links to each published episode. If you need any help, let me know via the message button at the bottom of the page.
Author’s Notes:
Merryn’s story is a bit of a slow off the mark, but I promise it will pick up speed very soon. Gold stars for anyone who can guess where this might be heading.
Next time: Episode 17—The Second Session, Part 2
PJ
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